Five Ways I Find Happiness without an Orgasm

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The hubs and I traded in our bi-weekly orgasms for a new adjustable bed and a television in our bedroom. Before you judge us or call us old, you need to know that adjustable beds are THE BEST!!!! 

This year marked twenty years of marriage, and we’ve discovered several things: 

Butt, leg, and toe cramps during sex can quickly kill the mood. Popcorn in bed is okay as long as there is not butter on it. And sometimes Grey’s Anatomy with that tub of popcorn is a better choice than sex. (see cramps reference above)

If you’re looking for something to put a smile on your face that’s a little less toe-curling than bow chicka wow wow, then I have some of my own grand moments to share with you. 

  1. Gifs

I love gifs. They make me smile, giggle, and sometimes pee a little. See … basically like sex. I can have entire conversations with my assistant, Jenn, using only gifs. And it’s the “gif” that keeps on giving “giffing” ::snorts:: because I don’t delete messages. So, every time I bring up that screen, I see the gifs we’ve shared. Gifs make me feel connected to people in this crazy world of cyberspace. 

Have you ever met someone online and didn’t really know if you liked them, then BOOM! They use a gif that makes you smile or laugh. You instantly feel like they are an awesome person because of their gif choice. 

 

2. Giggles

My ten-year-old son’s favorite pastime is giggling. He finds laughter in the craziest moments. It’s innocent and genuine. It fills me with unimaginable happiness. When is the last time you giggled? Not laughed, but giggled or snorted—the laugh you try to suppress but it just needs to come out. 

3. Reminiscing 

I’ve had a good life. So, when I get together with family, I love reminiscing about the past. It’s usually funny stuff that leads to a good case of the giggles, but sometimes it’s the walk down memory lane filled with “Can you believe?” or “Who would have thought?”

Who would have thought that I’d write romance novels while sitting in an adjustable bed with the vibrator function on full throttle? 

4. Food 

Are you following me on YouTube and Instagram? Of course you are. Well, you’re in for a real treat. This holiday season I will make some of my favorite recipes from my new kitchen and post videos of my culinary orgasms. 

5. Music

No, my new bed doesn’t play music. But Siri hooks me up with the best playlists. My favorite is “dinner music.” I ask her to play dinner music and she says, “Here is a personalized playlist for entertaining.” **Important note: If I ask her to play “entertainment music,” it’s not the same. It’s not as good. Air Supply, Maroon 5, Sinatra, One Republic, Dave Matthews … THE BEST playlist! See what your Siri cooks up for you at dinner time. 

In the meantime, I’ll be dancing with my kids in the kitchen, reminiscing to old songs with my husband while cooking delicious meals, sending Jenn gifs, and giggling the whole time. And when I’m done … I might have sex in my adjustable bed because an orgasm is still pretty damn amazing! 

Tell me about your happy times! 


Peace, 


Jewel